Heroes! Ha! Heroes!

I have a four year-old son who aspires to be the Hulk. I wonder if he has seen that particular role model displayed around the house, although in our house it would be an angry pink colossus known as "The Flab", and I am the only one who fits that description.

We have had a wonderful week of school holidays, the purpose of which was to do as little as possible. The plan was to make full use of the preschool facility being open through the holidays and deposit the Noo there, ship our eldest, Beks, off to Ballet Camp and that would leave the adrenaline junky, seven year-old Andy-Pants to entertain, which would usually entail tossing a ball somewhere close to a flat wall and let the natural propensity of balls and flat walls take its course.

The ultimate conclusion - much more "me" time.

But the best laid plans of mice and men . . .

Being teachers our stress is cyclical, rather than persistent as in the corporate world, or so I am told. These stress pockets usually manifest around our deadlines for assessments towards the end of the school terms. Being a language teacher this usually involves late nights and early mornings, just to get the work done. Under stress, with limited sleep, nerves are frayed, tensions amplified and so on and so forth, etcetera, etcetera.

Who are the recipients of our two dimensional, grouchy selves but our kids? Even if there are no altercations, like finely tuned seismographs that sense the smallest, or most traumatic of tremors, they pick up on the tension evident in the atmosphere. But, instead of just measuring, they respond.

These responses often manifest in the smallest of actions, forgetfulness to bring homework home, not preparing adequately for a test or assignment. There are physical confrontations on the sports' field, and the cataclysmic loss of the birthday skateboard "because I left it in the yard and forgot to lock the gate".

The Noo needs physical contact. When insecure, he will want to eat his meals on your lap, even while you eat. He sleeps holding on to your ears (a habit since he was four or five days-old), and will walk down the street holding onto your trouser leg. His love language: definitely touch.

So, we did not send him off to the surrogate preschool for the holiday, but rather thought to "endure" the limpet affections of our youngest, only to find that that is exactly what we needed.

We needed the little goblin hugs and spontaneous kisses, and ball sports with flat walls and to catch up on past episodes of Veggie Tales. We needed to be Hulk, or Captain America or John Smit for the week, because when encountered with the reality of our own flesh and blood I realised that they are our best friends and that with their propensity to love unconditionally and to give abundant hugs kisses and snuggles, they have become my heroes.

Living in the opposite spirit

There is a saying, often uttered in jest: "Smile! It makes people wonder what you are up to." Although often said in jest I find that a truer word cannot be spoken. We live lives according to a certain expectation of societal norms and standards and in the society in which we live as westernised, socialised, dynamic professionals, all too often that expectation involves self-advancement and a cynical perception of the abilities, and often character, of others in a similar predicament.

Too often we look at others and see their shortcomings rather than their potential. I am blessed to work in a relatively dynamic educational environment. (This in itself is often paradoxical given the current South African educational landscape) Recently, I have stepped out of a portfolio that I have held for a number of years that pertains to student leadership. I have been privileged to work with a number of fantastically dynamic personalities, learners who have demonstrated tremendous potential even if in embryonic form. However, and here the theme of this blog, the reason for my removal from this portfolio is that the programme appears to have stagnated (failed), new vision and new blood is needed to revisit what is essentially a traditional institution.

Throughout the process, one which I must confess, frustrated me to the extreme, no acknowledgement was made of the achievements of the group, but rather a focus of certain elements that were non-functional. And I think that the observers missed the boat. The focus was on the non-adherence to some inarticulated norm or standard, the essence of which I am still not too sure. What shocked (and even galled) me the most were the generalizations that floated around in the absence of specifics. "Nothing has been achieved!" "As a group they have been a complete failure!"

At risk of being vague, I apologise. My intent is rather to ruminate on how often we are prepared to focus on the worst in others because unknowingly they have touched a nerve in us rather than to celebrate their potential.

Why not? Why not look at the positive effects of people around us and celebrate the full-on-in-your-face smile rather than fetching the cane to chastise the possibility of some sort of failure that we see through our flawed perspectives.

I am increasingly becoming challenged and inspired by Bill Gates who has seen failure, or shortcoming as part of the process towards success. Our lack, although often allowed in some ways to define our character, is not our character.

So, let's live in the opposite spirit, contrary to people's expectation of us. Let us praise those achievements encountered, counsel where we perceive lack and challenge where we see potential.

I have a register class (homeroom class), over the space of two years I have built a relationship with them as their English Teacher. They are literally the "F" class and in being labelled this way, have come to accept the label of underachievers. In dealing with them throughout this year we have made a conscious effort to highlight their value, their worth, what they have achieved, rather than where they are falling short. In our school we stream our top two academic classes - at the end of their schooling, the "F" class has posted the third highest aggregate in the grade. All have passed my class, and only two posted subject failures in their preliminary examinations. They have never achieved these results. I am so proud of them.

Expectations create vision. Belief creates anticipation. And if nothing else, if you "smile" you will make someone's day just a whole lot better.